The next big event in MY life was my Mamaw, my grandmother, getting sick and dying. I spent a few weeks, her last few weeks in WV, with my daughter, Mom, and Aunt in my Mamaw's house taking care of my Mamaw 24 hours a day until she died and caring for her through her funeral. Needless to say it was a TERRIBLE and rough few weeks that led to an awful summer for my daughter and I, however I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING in the world. There is nothing I would've done differently and nowhere I would've rather been. Mamaw died on July 28, 2012 and Mack and I returned home to VA sometime around August 4-6 after having been gone 3-4 weeks.
I decided we'd suck it up and leave the house and hit the beach and act like normal people for my birthday on August 9. On that day as I sat on the beach, I was given the BEST gift EVER!!! I found out that I'd be given a NEPHEW!!! I was given a nephew for my birthday!! I mean, I still wouldn't GET him until December, but I knew what I was getting! :-) I'd have been happy either way, but that was EXCITING birthday news, so I took it as a GIFT! I needed it! Happy Birthday to ME!! His name would be Maddox Alexander!! A little bit of normalcy washed over me as I sat letting the waves wash over my feet! What a GIFT!! If there ever was a day that I NEEDED such a gift, today was that day! Now on this HOT summer day, I could start planning what color blanket I could crochet for my new nephew!! I was turning 30, but I like to spend some evenings crocheting like an old lady...don't judge.
Next up as far as I can recall, I friend requested Kelly on Facebook...or maybe I had already. With Connecticut being at least an 11 hour drive, I don't get to see my brother as often as I'd like and I hadn't yet met his lovely lady, so I did the natural thing in this day and age and friend requested her on Facebook. Once I did, it was so easy to see the VERY obvious love they had for each other, a love I knew my brother had never had before. From what I could see, they both seemed to be as happy as any couple could be. Even more than that, they seemed to be just as in love with their soon to be born baby boy! It was such a refreshing and beautiful thing to witness, albeit online, from afar. Oh, how I wished I could've been more apart of everything in person! Anyway, I continued to watch Kelly's cute as can be little belly grow and grow as well as their love and their love for their baby. Kelly is and was as I watched on Facebook at the time one of those people that I could tell without having ever met, or having had a real conversation with, that I knew I would LOVE!!! I was just so happy for the two of them and soon to be three of them! I already loved them all so much!
Then came SANDY! That is when I got my chance to have some one on one conversations with Kelly. I had a lot of friends and family affected by Sandy and that left me in a panic for a while. It wasn't like when we get a hurricane and lose power and it's 70 plus degrees, it was COLD there and that's what I think most people used to being hurricaned (I like to make up words) failed to understand and it irritated me. You'll also learn there are plenty of things that irritate me. Anyway, back to my point, they were hurricaned and at times, it was 40 degrees inside of people's houses and they were trying to keep their children warm, we don't have to do that when we have hurricanes. Well, not having Kelly's phone number yet, and already knowing she gives longer and better answers than Brandon (I guess because he IS a boy!), I'd reach out to her on Facebook to see how they were doing after ?# days without power while she was 7 months pregnant with MY (all babies I LOVE are MINE, especially this one...HA!) precious cargo...I was worried about her tiny little pregnant self being so cold! I kept wishing 1) they'd have evacuated here (normally we are NOT where someone would evacuate for a hurricane) and 2) they'd give up on living without power and come here NOW! But, I could have used and would have LOVED a visit
from my brother and would have loved to meet Kelly and her bump, but since that wasn't happening, I kept in touch and checked in on Kelly and her well being through Facebook. I loved her! They toughed it out, and eventually their power came back on. YAY!
I continued to keep in touch with Kelly through Facebook, my Dad was always good about posting pics of his future Grandson, so I got to see the bump and I'd text my brother! As winter grew near, we all started taking bets on when Baby Maddox would arrive and anxiously awaited his arrival! Kelly's posts became cuter and cuter and we couldn't wait to see and meet that little guy!
Finally around mid December, we knew the date...a C-Section was scheduled for December 21st because Baby Maddox was breech. Now that we all had a date, I tried so hard and wanted SO badly to be there, but with Christmas being so close and the distance and having my own family, I couldn't find a way to make it work, which was hurting my heart more than anyone could imagine. I was able to be there for the births of so many friend's babies, but not my own brother's baby and it really did break my heart. He seemed to understand and be ok with it, I was not and never really was. As the day approached, I became more and more excited and anxious. I text more and Facebooked more and Mack and I just could NOT wait for the arrival of little Baby Maddox and for our trip to meet him in January in less than a month, which seemed SO far away! Finally, December 20th came, I sent a few good luck texts a long with the I love yous and some little suggestions! I also asked my Dad to keep me in the loop on the 21st in case Brandon was overwhelmed. I know how that day can go although today's technology wasn't available when I had Mack, I just know Labor/Birth day is a BIG and overwhelming day in a new parents life!
December 21st came and I was so excited! I started texting more good luck and I love yous and texting my Dad. I found out the C-Section was scheduled for 12:00. I thought poor Kelly will be STARVING when it's all over. I passed that message onto my Dad...they were having lunch before heading to the hospital and planned on bringing her some food. I jumped in the shower sometime around 11:30-12:00 and said some prayers that all would go well during the surgery for Kelly and Maddox and waited as patiently as possible for when I'd next bit of news. This is where things get rough... The next text I received was probably around 12:45 from my Dad and it said, "Baby was born and his back was open and his spine isn't developed and spine and nerves are exposed and his legs aren't moving"...I sent a series of panicked text messages with lots of curse words basically asking what this means, how did this happen, what do I tell my daughter who is expecting her cousin to be born at noon and awaiting his arrival? Mack was in the next room. I tried to have as discreet a breakdown as one can have. I had NO idea what that text meant. I had no idea if MY baby was going to survive. I didn't know if I could handle this, how to handle this for my brother and Kelly, how to address this to my child, I had no idea what to do other than be in hysterics and PRAY! I will admit that I am not a regular prayer. I prayed harder than ever in my life. To God, to my Mamaw, to whoever would listen and help. I prayed that MY baby would be ok, whatever was happening, that he wouldn't be paralyzed, that he would SURVIVE. Now 2-3 months later, it's almost a fog, but between that and everything with my Mamaw, that moment of panic and worrying about MY baby and his new parents and myself and my own daughter even had to have been one of the absolute WORST, HARDEST, and SCARIEST times of my life. I knew how much Brandon and Kelly wanted and LOVED this baby and whatever was happening, I couldn't believe it was happening to them. I wanted to be there. I wanted to hug them. I hated being here. That may have been the worst part, being here. Actually, I can't pinpoint the worst part...what was happening was the worst part. I called my Mom in a panic crying to the point where she probably couldn't understand me...I don't really remember much of the conversation. I remember her apologizing for this happening to them and ME because I'd had a terrible year, but really it wasn't happening to me, I wanted to fix it for them. I do remember that my Mom asked if I needed to go because she KNOWS me and she KNEW I NEEDED to be there, but I KNEW that I couldn't leave Mack. It would be our first Christmas at home, we'd always spent Christmas in WV with my Mamaw. I'd anticipated this being a horrible hard Christmas without my Mamaw, but also a nice first Christmas in our house. I couldn't leave, but I wanted to be with my other family. Within an hour maybe...I have no concept of time, I received a text from my Dad that Maddox had Spina Bifida and that he would be transported to Yale. Now that I knew what it was, I could calm down to a degree. Calming down might be a lie, but I knew what was happening, I don't think there was any calm to that day, honestly. Maddox would have surgery the next day to close up his back. I was sent a few pictures of my beautiful nephew and my heart was more full of love that I thought was possible. I looked up Spina Bifida, but not too much. I was somewhat relieved...I figured he'd be ok as long as he could handle the surgeries. I was ready to be his cheerleader and supporter 110%. I was immediately thinking awareness, fundraisers, support, etc! I will DO ANY and EVERYTHING I can for this baby, MY baby! If it was possible, I loved Maddox MORE! I have accepted this, I hope Brandon and Kelly can and will and everyone else will! Even though I had jumped on board and was ready for whatever was to come that did NOT stop me from having a pity party for Maddox, Brandon and Kelly, and my family...I suppose. This was all still within hours of birth. Texts were flying back and forth with info. At some point in between all of this, I did calmly show Mack a picture, which gave nothing away and said Maddox was born at 12:15! Thankfully, she left with her grandparents shortly after so I was able to google, text, cry, call my Mom, go outside and smoke, lay in bed and cry more, repeat. When Bill FINALLY came home, it was pretty much news to him because he had left his phone in his car, needless to say, he was just as shocked as the rest of us. He sat in the recliner in our bedroom and I could see him glancing over at me to see if I was going to breakdown again. I cried and cried. At some point when Baby Maddox arrived at Yale, they gave all the worst case scenarios, Maddox will most likely never walk, have bladder or bowel control, etc. There was more, it was worse...I can't remember it all, but those are the two that have remained to stick....he's overcome a lot of the others...in your face doctors! Back to that day, the more I heard, the more I cried, the more I wanted to be in CT. It was like when Mamaw died, even if I couldn't be with Brandon and Kelly, I wanted to be with my Dad, Jane(StepMom) and David(Younger Brother). Those were the ONLY other people in the world feeling and thinking the things, I was thinking. I wanted to sit at the table crying with them, being angry with them, whatever was happening...I needed to be with them. I kept telling Bill that, but it was December 21st and I couldn't go anywhere...I could just text and feel drained. I cried to Bill that I could NOT believe that MY brother who wanted a baby for SO long had a disabled baby, I asked if HE could believe that MY brother, Brandon,who HE knew had a baby that would be disabled for life? Bill said no. I didn't understand how this had happened to MY brother and how it had gone undetected. I haven't really mentioned that, but I also had a lot of initial anger that something like that went completely undetected when everything I read said it shouldn't have. So that is MY account of that main points I can recall of December 21st.
This blog will mainly be my account, but of course I have asked Kelly for details I don't have or can't remember. Plus, she will need to fill me in on updates! Next well be her account of December 21st.
Kelly's account: "We gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on Dec 21st, 2012 at Lawrence and Memorial Hospital in New London CT via C-Section due to breech positioning. The mood in the delivery room went from everyone being super excited and happy about the birth that was to come to shocked and full of gasps as our precious little boy was pulled out. Up until the moment of birth, everyone including our doctor believed that we were having a healthy baby. Even though we had adequate prenatal care including two ultrasounds, (one at 20 weeks and one at 38 weeks), his condition went undetected during pregnancy. During the 38 weeks ultrasound, they determined he was in the breech position, had low birth weight, and had hydronephrosis (fluid) on the left kidney. Maddox Alexander was born a tiny 4lbs 14oz. His size was stunted because of his Spina Bifida. Due to his unexpected condition, he was immediately sent to the NICU. He wasn't even weighed or measured in the delivery room. Within two hours of birth, he was in an ambulance being transferred to Yale New Haven Hospital about an hour away.
Maddox was born with a large whole in his back called a myelomeningocele. Inside this defect, things such as nerves were not connected and missing. He was also leaking spinal fluid from this site. The evening of his birth, the pediatric neonatal surgical team came to talk to me about the surgery he was in need of. They told me that since it was so in depth and he was so young and tiny, that there was a large chance that he may not make it through the operation. Still in shock, I agreed and signed the consent. On Dec 22, at 7 something in the morning,at 19 hours old, he underwent a very in depth surgery to close up and repair his myelomeningocele. Because his defect was so large, the neurosurgeon had to cut flaps from the existing skin on his back to try and create a way to close up the hole. When the surgery was done, the incision took up the entire lower third of his back. After the surgery he remained on a ventilator for 2 days, and was only allowed to be in the prone (belly) position. We were not allowed to hold him other than a few rare instances where he was allowed to kangaroo with us, (we laid on our back and he was laid on top of our chests). I was able to do this for the first time on Christmas. This was the first time, 4 days after birth, that we were allowed to do any type of holding of our child. When the surgery was complete, the surgeon came in to talk to us. Because of the location of his defect, and the extent of it, they were pretty confident that he will never gain use or sensation of his legs. However we remain hopeful that he is strong and some kind of miracle will happen."
I can't clearly recall December 22nd other than knowing that Maddox's surgery went well. I don't THINK until Kelly gave me her account now that I realized that she was told he may not survive the surgery...I CANNOT imagine being in her shoes, but what choice did she have? I do remember that it was days before I knew Maddox's birth weight, which I felt like should've been another red flag in his 38 week ultrasound that something was wrong. I made it through the next few days still in kind of a stunted fog. On December 21st, in the evening, Bill did give me the go ahead to book a train ticket to go to CT from December 26th-31st. That gave me some relief. I could be with my family and SEE and TOUCH and KISS my baby in person and FINALLY hug my brother and Kelly. By day two or three, I had learned though text from my Dad that Brandon and Kelly were accepting things, it was still hard, but they were being strong. I cannot imagine being in their position. Not so much for what was "wrong" with Maddox anymore as everyone had accepted it, but more for the fact that as a mother, I wanted her to be able to HOLD her baby, THAT hurt MY heart. She always said she was ok with it, because as the wonderful mother she already was, she wanted what was best for her son, but I wanted all the normal new parent things for them. Those were the things that broke my heart, although I understood Maddox needed everything that was being done.
I went through Christmas and apparently Maddox helped me. I had the best Christmas that I could've. I wasn't dwelling on my first Christmas without my Mamaw. I was dwelling on MY baby. And, I was able to enjoy Christmas with my family here and for once watching Mack enjoy Christmas at home and playing with all her toys in her own living room...the Christmas we'd always wanted! Now, it was time to pack for my loooong trip to see my Bellaflores family and meet that little baby of mine!
Here are some pictures from Maddox's first few days!
Baby's First Christmas
BEAUTIFUL Family Photo
Kelly getting to "Kangaroo" with her Baby Boy on Christmas Day
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